So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
