see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
