this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
