So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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