we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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