I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
