My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
