I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
