dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize