I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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