I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
