The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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