I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
