Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
