I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize