I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
