All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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