Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize