onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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