When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
ok first of all what the fuck
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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