Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
