Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
