I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
