....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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