there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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