i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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