He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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