she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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