So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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