is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
