Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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