Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
