i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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