12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
