I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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