Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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