You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
