i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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