so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
