i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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