Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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