I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
