I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Girls should come with a carfax report
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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