umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
