Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
