too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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