Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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