he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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