GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
