Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
