I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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