If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
