No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
