My nipple is on Facebook.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
