Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
