side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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