No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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