Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
