i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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