She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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