I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
