could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
