dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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