Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
