dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
