I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
