I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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