I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i think my tv is drunk
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
