you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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