She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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