is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
