She is in my trunk
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
