If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
