There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
