now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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