You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
