afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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