i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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