True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
