i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You are a genius and a whore.
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