at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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