he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
